I have absolutley no idea what I'm doing!
Maybe I made a bad choice when I chose this course and I should just quit now. Im obviously the worst student here.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
Un....... Believeable!
I just had a massive break up with one of my former best friends.
It all started a few months ago when I was going through a HIV scare. Thankfully it turned out to be negative but at the time I was really scared so I confided in my then best friend Aaron. Next thing I knew, he had told Jed and soon half of St Wilfreds school, people I didn't even know, knew I could be +HIV.
I gave him the cold shoulder for a while after that but eventually I somehow forgave him for it. That was a fucking stupid mistake as he would continue to piss me off constantly over the next month or so. Sending me innaproriate messages, and in generally being an immature cunt.
And tonight I finally decided that I dont need to be friends with this loser anymore, I've got new friends both inside and out of college. So I waited for him to send me another of his immature txts, and then I txtd him back not to call me, txt or speak to me again. I've had enough of being treaten as if I'm shit on his shoe. And after a back and forth
It all started a few months ago when I was going through a HIV scare. Thankfully it turned out to be negative but at the time I was really scared so I confided in my then best friend Aaron. Next thing I knew, he had told Jed and soon half of St Wilfreds school, people I didn't even know, knew I could be +HIV.
I gave him the cold shoulder for a while after that but eventually I somehow forgave him for it. That was a fucking stupid mistake as he would continue to piss me off constantly over the next month or so. Sending me innaproriate messages, and in generally being an immature cunt.
And tonight I finally decided that I dont need to be friends with this loser anymore, I've got new friends both inside and out of college. So I waited for him to send me another of his immature txts, and then I txtd him back not to call me, txt or speak to me again. I've had enough of being treaten as if I'm shit on his shoe. And after a back and forth
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
L.U.V.
No this isn't another random blog about my and my obsession. This is the title of my new experimental video. I have no idea what to do it aboutbut I know I want to do it on the one thing in my life that is positive and good. Most people I guess will be doing their pieces on negative existentialist subjects such as time moving to fast and other such depressing bollocks. But I want to show that life can be postive if you let it. More to come, I have to go think of an idea now, I have so many thoughts but no words.
Haven't updated in a while...
O. M. G. Halloween soon! Hopefully going to see Saw IV and then go to a party. That's if my friends don't back out. It's weird becoz I'm the worst when it comes to gory horror and I'm the one who really wants to see it. Then it's off to Hannah's party if its still on. If not I'll just get some booze and get pissed as usual, GOD there's nothing to do in this shitty little chav hell of a town!!!
I think me and 'him' are getting closer, if not then were just growing further apart. Some days we'll talk for hours and then I wont hear from him for a week! Not even a text! Then he'll be telling me he wants to meet up and will text me when he wants to meet, and then he'll just froget all about it. Maybe I'm getting played, or maybe he's just got alot on his mind at the moment, or maybe he's a forgetful person, or I'm just an idiot, I have no idea :S ?!?!
I think me and 'him' are getting closer, if not then were just growing further apart. Some days we'll talk for hours and then I wont hear from him for a week! Not even a text! Then he'll be telling me he wants to meet up and will text me when he wants to meet, and then he'll just froget all about it. Maybe I'm getting played, or maybe he's just got alot on his mind at the moment, or maybe he's a forgetful person, or I'm just an idiot, I have no idea :S ?!?!
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Hanging on the telephone
Why hasn't he called me? :'( I can't believe this, how long does it take to make up your mind? I can't be THAT ugly that he wants to avoid me can I? Maybe it's because I'm a fat fucking slut that's probably it. God I wish I hadn't been drinking the last time I was talking to him. If he didn't know about my dark past he might've been all over me that night. God I want him!
I'm just going to have to go out Friday, get pissed , and forget all about him. I really need to go out for a proper piss up. I mean I've been drunk but I haven't been properly like paraletic drunk for a looooooooooooong time (about a month)!!! Come to think about it, the last time I got drunk was the last time I got laid, maybe it's connected?
So it's decded, I'm going to get 'him' out, get 'him' drunk and then fuck him senseless. Sounds like a plan ;)
I'm just going to have to go out Friday, get pissed , and forget all about him. I really need to go out for a proper piss up. I mean I've been drunk but I haven't been properly like paraletic drunk for a looooooooooooong time (about a month)!!! Come to think about it, the last time I got drunk was the last time I got laid, maybe it's connected?
So it's decded, I'm going to get 'him' out, get 'him' drunk and then fuck him senseless. Sounds like a plan ;)
Monday, October 13, 2008
My back catalouge
I'm really bored so I thought I'd write a little about my past relationships. Now my life is a series of one night stands strung together by a few less than desirable men that I happened to fall into a relationship with.
My first relationship and first time came when I had just turned 16. I had only just come to terms with my sexuality at the time and so I decided to go down to Brighton (on my own, noone knew yet). His name was John and he was... an older man. I met him outside a bar. I had tried to get in but the bouncers had turned me away. He asked if I'd like to go back to his place for drinks. Now that I am a bit more experienced in the gay world I would never do this, but back then I was niave. Of course I knew what would end up happening but I went along with him anyway. He lasted 3 weeks before I told him I felt weird about the age gap (he was 27). I ended up having to change my number as he wouldn't stop calling me. it got a little weird and kind of scared me... alot!
So after that I kind of gave the dating scene a break, I had a few one night stands (not proud of it) and then, about 3 months after i eventualy came out, I got together with the biggest mistake of my life, Elliott.
Elliott is a massive geek. He is the sort of person I usually wouldn't piss on if they were on fire. We got talking by chance... after he started a rumor that we had got off in Liquid (god, he wishes). I tracked down his number and told him I wanted to meet with him. My first plan was to lay into him big time, but my nice side took over. I got to thinking,
'he's only doing this becasue his life is so boring he needs to make up something like that to make it more exciting' so I decided I would ask him out for one date. It was only meant to be a pity shag but it ended up becoming a month long thing. I've never commited to something longer than that before, I'm not the type to settle for one person. So while I was trapped in this nightmare I met Jack and Brant.
Jack was an emo guy, but a fucking cute emo guy at that. Brant was a posh boy. I ended up having about 3 relationships going on at once. If you've never done something like this before I wouldn't recommend it. It was hell. Jack is the clingy type, he always wanted to know where I was and would call me about every hour (last time I go out with someone on contract phone) and when I was with him he never gave me any space. I absolutley HATE PDA!!! It's like I already get judged by complete strangers anyway, why make it any worse? But Jack didn't think that way, he constantly wanted to hold my hand. I ended up nearly screaming at him to get the fuck off me in the middle of New Look.
Now Brant, the one night stand that wouldn't go away. I met him through friends at a party and we were both pretty plastered. Basically we ended up cutting the small talk and just jumped into bed. After that he flooded my inbox with messages aking to meet up again, that he really wanted to get to know me. After a couple of days of ignoring his messages i agreed to meet him at his place and... we got to know each other alot more.
All this took place right under Elliott's nose and he didn't have a blue's clue. I couldn't go on seeing him, not now that I established myself as hot property on the scene. So I dumped him. By text. And I sent him pictures of the other 2. I carried on seeing both Jack and Brant for a while after that but eventually i got bored and dumped both of them.
omg I hope 'he' doesn't read this :)
My first relationship and first time came when I had just turned 16. I had only just come to terms with my sexuality at the time and so I decided to go down to Brighton (on my own, noone knew yet). His name was John and he was... an older man. I met him outside a bar. I had tried to get in but the bouncers had turned me away. He asked if I'd like to go back to his place for drinks. Now that I am a bit more experienced in the gay world I would never do this, but back then I was niave. Of course I knew what would end up happening but I went along with him anyway. He lasted 3 weeks before I told him I felt weird about the age gap (he was 27). I ended up having to change my number as he wouldn't stop calling me. it got a little weird and kind of scared me... alot!
So after that I kind of gave the dating scene a break, I had a few one night stands (not proud of it) and then, about 3 months after i eventualy came out, I got together with the biggest mistake of my life, Elliott.
Elliott is a massive geek. He is the sort of person I usually wouldn't piss on if they were on fire. We got talking by chance... after he started a rumor that we had got off in Liquid (god, he wishes). I tracked down his number and told him I wanted to meet with him. My first plan was to lay into him big time, but my nice side took over. I got to thinking,
'he's only doing this becasue his life is so boring he needs to make up something like that to make it more exciting' so I decided I would ask him out for one date. It was only meant to be a pity shag but it ended up becoming a month long thing. I've never commited to something longer than that before, I'm not the type to settle for one person. So while I was trapped in this nightmare I met Jack and Brant.
Jack was an emo guy, but a fucking cute emo guy at that. Brant was a posh boy. I ended up having about 3 relationships going on at once. If you've never done something like this before I wouldn't recommend it. It was hell. Jack is the clingy type, he always wanted to know where I was and would call me about every hour (last time I go out with someone on contract phone) and when I was with him he never gave me any space. I absolutley HATE PDA!!! It's like I already get judged by complete strangers anyway, why make it any worse? But Jack didn't think that way, he constantly wanted to hold my hand. I ended up nearly screaming at him to get the fuck off me in the middle of New Look.
Now Brant, the one night stand that wouldn't go away. I met him through friends at a party and we were both pretty plastered. Basically we ended up cutting the small talk and just jumped into bed. After that he flooded my inbox with messages aking to meet up again, that he really wanted to get to know me. After a couple of days of ignoring his messages i agreed to meet him at his place and... we got to know each other alot more.
All this took place right under Elliott's nose and he didn't have a blue's clue. I couldn't go on seeing him, not now that I established myself as hot property on the scene. So I dumped him. By text. And I sent him pictures of the other 2. I carried on seeing both Jack and Brant for a while after that but eventually i got bored and dumped both of them.
omg I hope 'he' doesn't read this :)
Dinner round mine, aka I have a drinking problem
I think I've fucked things up big time between me and my sexy.
I invited him round to my place for dinner, I went out and brought loads of pretty expensive ingredients and a bottle of wine, it came to about £20. Normally I wouldn't send this amount of money on just one meal but tonight was special, tonight was suppossed to be a night to remember.
Instead I got absolutley wrecked after a glass or two or three (I'm a real lightweight and a serial binge drinker) and told him how much I like him. I think I scared him off as he hasn't got back to me since saturday :S
UPDATES:
He got back to me! He said he needs time to think because he has a lot of shit going on at the moment. What does that mean? Does he want me or not, I need an answer!!!
I invited him round to my place for dinner, I went out and brought loads of pretty expensive ingredients and a bottle of wine, it came to about £20. Normally I wouldn't send this amount of money on just one meal but tonight was special, tonight was suppossed to be a night to remember.
Instead I got absolutley wrecked after a glass or two or three (I'm a real lightweight and a serial binge drinker) and told him how much I like him. I think I scared him off as he hasn't got back to me since saturday :S
UPDATES:
He got back to me! He said he needs time to think because he has a lot of shit going on at the moment. What does that mean? Does he want me or not, I need an answer!!!
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